


Tibette's Dynamic in season one

by NotEvryoneNotYou



Category: The L Word (TV 2004), Tibette - Fandom
Genre: F/F, The L Word - Freeform, Tibette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:47:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23837137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvryoneNotYou/pseuds/NotEvryoneNotYou
Summary: My personal assessment of Tibette's dynamic in season one, including the affair.
Relationships: Tibette - Relationship, Tina Kennard/Bette Porter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Tibette's Dynamic in season one

The conversation about Bette’s affair and Tibette’s dynamic when we meet them in s1 comes up often in the fandom, and every time either one topic comes up, I feel like I have a lot to say but doing so would take me writing an entire essay about it. So, this is my assessment of the affair and Tibette’s dynamic in s1. I write about both in this assessment because I see both connected.

When we meet Tibette in s1, we clearly see Bette being the alpha and Tina being the submissive and supportive partner. Tied to this dynamic, is Bette’s sexual gratification. Bette is the powerful alpha in control who gets off from seducing her partner, and who takes on the responsibility of taking care of her partner. There is something sexually gratifying about playing that role for her. She enjoys working for it, so to speak. 

In contrast, Tina loves to play the role of the passive lover who waits to be seduced and either accepts or rejects Bette’s advances (which I would argue to be a form of control). I Think Tina finds her sexual gratification from being desired, being seduced, and playing into her partner’s desire and fantasies. In a sense, being some sort of projection board where her partner can live out her desires/fantasies.  
,  
Even though Bette had been the bread winner and had fought most public battles for them, the one to heal her wounds from the battles and the one doing the emotional labor was Tina. Tina was Bette’s safety, and that safety allowed Bette to be braver and bolder.

Tina’s pregnancy made her feel vulnerable, with all reason, and in turn she needed extra support from Bette. Things hit the fan when Tina lost the baby. Tina really needed Bette’s emotional support then, but Bette had been so dependent on Tina to do the emotional labor for her that when it was Bette’s turn to do some of the emotional labor she couldn’t do it. She didn’t know how to cope.

Unfortunately, the affair was Bette’s way to cope. Being unable to process her emotions on her own, the affair becomes her crutch. What is the most heartbreaking part for me is that when Tina needed her the most, Bette fails to be emotionally present for Tina. A person who isn’t capable of dealing with their emotional turmoil is a dangerous person. They are unpredictable, and they are likely to hurt those in their path. 

Bette’s attraction to Candice is really telling, because right off the bat we can see that what attracts Bette to Candice is her confidence, competence, and leadership (Interestingly, those are the same things that attract Bette to Jody later on). That’s attractive to Bette because that’s exactly what she needs in that moment, she needs for someone else to be in control. Their sex scene is all about Bette giving up control. The control she ends up giving up though, is a sexual one, not the emotional one. I would even speculate that Bette confuses the two. 

The way the affair was set up spoke to this idea that Bette Porter is someone who views herself as someone with integrity. Which is why she’s so judgmental of Jenny having an affair Marina. This is exactly why her affair with Candice is a huge deal. Bette not only betrays Tina, but she also betrays her own moral integrity, which is a big part of who she is.

The aftermath of the affair for Tina was realizing that she gave too much control to Bette and that doing so was foolish. So yes, she resents Bette, and season two is all about her journey to claim autonomy and control. Consciously or unconsciously, Tina views control and autonomy clearly tied to sex. This is why when they have sex for the first time after the affair (pregnant sex), it was all about Tina claiming her autonomy by asserting sexual control. Her journey to finding autonomy and asserting control doesn’t end in s2 though. Her journey to autonomy comes full circle partially in s5, and completely in s6. 

Bette’s affair with Candice was extremely complex, which is exactly why it makes it so fascinating to talk about. But this is true with most affairs. Affairs in long term relationships are rarely just about sex, they are usually a symptom of a bigger problem in a relationship. Regardless of the cheating or losing a baby, Tibette’s dynamic in s1 was unsustainable. I would argue that the affair was actually a blessing in disguise, because it allowed for them to go on a solo journey to find themselves. It was through the experiences they had away from each other that growth and learning happened. And that growth was exactly what allowed them to come back to each other in s5.


End file.
